For Gals

Ladies: Why Guys Hate Drama & What to Do About It

Posted by on Apr 12, 2014 in Blog, For Gals | 0 comments

Ladies: Why Guys Hate Drama & What to Do About It

Guys hate “drama” in their relationships with women. For most men, drama might be defined as a woman getting upset at them, blaming them, overreacting (from their perspective), and seeming irrational. Some men particularly dislike it when “drama” is accompanied by crying, and big discussions. For most guys, it can take days, or weeks, to get over an episode of “drama” and the experience will create a strong, unpleasant memory. And most guys will avoid confrontations and big discussions – and consider leaving a relationship, or just leave it,  when there is “too much drama.” In other words, drama can be a dealbreaker in a relationship. So, if you want to be in a relationship, this is important! So, why is it that men hate “drama?” (We’ll get to what you can do about it next!) Part of the answer seems to be in how men’s and women’s brains are literally wired differently. Some of this is almost cliché: Men’s brains are typically wired for “results” more than for “process.” In Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus John Gray says: “A man’s sense of self is defined through his ability to achieve results.” Dealing with emotional issues is inherently a process situation. (See the book Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, in the ‘Relationship’ section of the ‘Resources’ portion of this Web site.) NOTE: This is also why men are less likely to be fascinated with how and why your relationship communication works or doesn’t work. In fact, many men will get impatient with the following list – while many women will eat up this information with a stick and a spoon. Also, men are not raised to focus on communication and collaboration skills the way women are. So, this is another reason they often feel out of their depth in this arena, and are typically less comfortable in it than are women. Men’s brains are more programmed to deal with one situation at a time, handling that situation, before moving on to the next. Women’s brains can move from one subject to another with great fluidity, without resolving one issue before connecting it with the next. This is why the authors of Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti say that men’s brains are like waffles, and women’s brains are like spaghetti. Further, they state: “A man will strategically organize his life in boxes and then spend most of his time in the boxes he can succeed in. This is such a strong motivation for him that he will seek out the boxes that work, and will ignore the boxes that confuse him or make him feel like a failure. …Men also take a “success” approach to communication. If they believe they can successfully talk with their wives and reach a desirable outcome, they will be highly motivated to converse. If, on the other hand, the conversation seems pointless to him, or he finds understanding his wife impossible, he loses his motivation to talk and clams up.” When a woman is upset, she usually covers a lot of ground in her communication, linking one thought to another quickly. In keeping with the idea of women being like spaghetti, and men being life waffles, this can be maddening to a man, because he gets stuck three ideas back. He stops being able to follow her, especially if he is upset, and gives up because he feels like he is “failing.” As part of their “results” orientation, men are “fixers.” When a woman is upset, it can appear to a man that there is nothing he can...

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Ladies: How to Make a Man Happy on the 1st Date

Posted by on Feb 22, 2014 in Blog, Featured, For Gals | 0 comments

Ladies: How to Make a Man Happy on the 1st Date

So, what is a man looking for from you when he takes you out on a first date? Whether it’s just a date for coffee, and you’ve never met each other before, or he’s taking you out to dinner, he’s spending his time, and usually his money, to go out with you. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment: He’s gone to the trouble to set this date up, gotten himself out of the house and there to meet you, and may be a little bit nervous. So, what is going to make him feel glad he went on this date with you? Here are some of the things a man is looking for on a first date with you. If you do these things, you will not only have more fun, you’ll be more likely to get asked out on a second date. If you’re meeting him, be on time for the date, relaxed, and ready to interact. If he’s picking you up, be ready when he gets there. Dress attractively. Whatever the situation, men like beauty. And, honestly, they like to see a woman’s shape – bust, derriere, legs. Even if it’s a coffee date, wear something that flatters you. You don’t have to be racey, but show a little leg and skin. Fitted jeans are great. Give him a hug when you meet him if you feel comfortable doing that. Smile at him and make eye contact. Listen to him and laugh at his jokes. Give him your full attention: Don’t be on your cell phone texting or calling, or looking at the television in the restaurant. If it’s true, let him know by the way you sit and stand that you are comfortable being near him. Be enthusiastic and happy to be with him. And finally, express appreciation for the effort, time, and money the gentleman put forward to spend this time with you.   Whether you want to see someone again or not, it’s good for YOU to practice these skills in connecting with whoever you meet. By taking these steps you are not compromising yourself, or committing to anything. You are just expressing consideration and value for another human being. So, unless the man is rude and completely unpleasant, why not make this effort to “show up” for him on your first date? There is almost always something you can appreciate about whoever you find yourself interacting with. Focus on that appreciation, and let yourself enjoy whatever there is to enjoy – and notice what you’re learning!  ...

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