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Men: How to Succeed with the First Kiss

Posted by on May 15, 2014 in Blog, Featured, For Guys | 0 comments

Men: How to Succeed with the First Kiss

People say the first kiss is important. And, I’m here to tell you they’re right! When and how you kiss a woman for the first time is a critical turning point – it can seal the deal – or be a total deal breaker. But the whole situation can be anxiety-producing for a guy. Everyone is afraid of rejection when they’re dating – everyone – it is part of the human condition. And as the guy, it’s usually understood that you will make the “move” for the first kiss. A guy is supposed to be smooth and confident and into the woman, but he’s also supposed to be respectful enough not to seem like a pushy creep. That’s not always such an easy balance to strike! So, cut yourself some slack about not being perfect, or knowing exactly what to do or when to do it.   What are some things that will help you know when and how to approach the first kiss? First of all, you need to know when NOT to kiss a woman. DON’T kiss a woman unless you’ve had some indication that she wants to be near you. Signs that a woman would like to be physically close to you include: Touching you on the arm or leg Leaning toward you Sitting near you Keeping her hand in yours if you take her hand Standing with her toes pointing toward you (yes, it sounds funny, but this is actually a good indicator!) Smiling at you a lot, laughing, tossing or fingering her hair, and generally looking like she’s enjoying being with you. And DON’T kiss a woman if she clearly and specifically goes to kiss you on the cheek – or offers her cheek for you to kiss her there – or goes to give you a hug. If you intercept her and “force” her to kiss you on the lips when she’s not ready, it will probably creep her out, and she may never want to kiss you or go out with you again. (This has happened to me. It can feel really intrusive, a little scary even, and GROSS!) So, what if she IS doing some or all of the things on the list above, that indicate she would like to be physical with you? Then should you kiss her? When? On the first date? Second date? End of the date only? During the date? Sometimes, if a woman really seems to like you, and you like her, it’s nice to give her a little kiss on the lips at the end of the first date, without putting big “moves” on her. This has happened to me a couple of times and I loved it – if I liked the guy. It showed that he liked and was into me, but wasn’t trying to race me into bed. And it showed he had some guts and self-confidence. Actually, it was totally charming and romantic.   But when should you go in for the “real” kiss – the sexy one. After the second date? There’s no rule to this. However, some women have told me that if a guy she’s interested in doesn’t try to kiss her by the second or at the latest third date she 1) thinks he doesn’t really like her that much and/or 2) loses respect for him. Other women have told me they don’t mind waiting several dates before things become physically romantic – or even a few weeks. So, women are obviously very different on this score. First, it’s important to be clear about your own style...

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Staying Centered During Dating

Posted by on Mar 31, 2014 in Blog, Featured, For Guys & Gals, Let's Go For a Walk | 0 comments

Staying Centered During Dating

Do you know how when you really like someone, you can feel yourself getting pulled off your center? Sometimes all you can think about is when you’re going to see that person again, and what will happen. There’s all the excitement and euphoria, and the nervousness and anxiety. And the same thing can be true when you feel very rejected. You can lose your sense of yourself for a time, and your mind can get caught up in thoughts about the other person or the situation- hurt, sadness, frustration, self-doubt. That’s no fun! This can be true when you’re dating. And it can also be true when you’re in a relationship. I was thinking about this today with reference to myself while I was out for my morning walk. When I am just getting to know someone I notice how very compelling that is, but also how much it has the potential to pull me completely off my center. I can find myself doing none of my usual self-care routines – morning walks, saturday meditation with a friend, exercise, yoga class, vitamins…. And, of course, sticking to routines is not the goal of life – and being flexible and going with the flow is a good thing – as is enjoying what is actually happening in the moment. However, I was noticing that I invest a lot in myself in relationships – to be my best self – and then it can be easy, in the sway of attraction, both the good feelings and the “bad” ones, to throw that work out the window. And the very qualities which attract someone to me can begin to slip away if I don’t stay centered in myself. It seems to me this can be true for other people too. This is also why dating and relationships can be such a great teacher – for me, anyway. Because I want to be my strongest, best self no matter who is or isn’t in my life – and no matter whether I like what is happening with them, or I don’t. And relationships inevitably bring up all the fragile, sensitive stuff for each of us as well. Or, at least they do for me…. Again, I was reminded of this on my morning walk because I came across a couple that was having a shouting match as they were driving in a small, shiny, yellow pickup truck, with one of them finally getting out of the truck and slamming the door. Ouch! Probably most of us have been there at some point. All that hurt and vulnerability. And a friend who just broke up a relationship was talking about this yesterday – saying she notices that when she is NOT in a relationship, she feels very strong and together, and when she IS in a relationship, she feels all sorts of vulnerability come up when things are not going the way she wants them to. Of course, the opposite is true for some people as well – that NOT being in a relationship brings up lots of “stuff” for them to work on in being alone. It’s all the same thing really. Dating – and relationship – as a teacher, if we choose to look at it that way – for how each of us can learn to be grounded in our best selves – no matter who is or isn’t showing up – and what the other person is or isn’t doing. Hmmmmmmmmmm…… (This blog post is part of the ‘Let’s Go for a Walk’ series. The first post in this series...

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Ladies: How to Make a Man Happy on the 1st Date

Posted by on Feb 22, 2014 in Blog, Featured, For Gals | 0 comments

Ladies: How to Make a Man Happy on the 1st Date

So, what is a man looking for from you when he takes you out on a first date? Whether it’s just a date for coffee, and you’ve never met each other before, or he’s taking you out to dinner, he’s spending his time, and usually his money, to go out with you. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment: He’s gone to the trouble to set this date up, gotten himself out of the house and there to meet you, and may be a little bit nervous. So, what is going to make him feel glad he went on this date with you? Here are some of the things a man is looking for on a first date with you. If you do these things, you will not only have more fun, you’ll be more likely to get asked out on a second date. If you’re meeting him, be on time for the date, relaxed, and ready to interact. If he’s picking you up, be ready when he gets there. Dress attractively. Whatever the situation, men like beauty. And, honestly, they like to see a woman’s shape – bust, derriere, legs. Even if it’s a coffee date, wear something that flatters you. You don’t have to be racey, but show a little leg and skin. Fitted jeans are great. Give him a hug when you meet him if you feel comfortable doing that. Smile at him and make eye contact. Listen to him and laugh at his jokes. Give him your full attention: Don’t be on your cell phone texting or calling, or looking at the television in the restaurant. If it’s true, let him know by the way you sit and stand that you are comfortable being near him. Be enthusiastic and happy to be with him. And finally, express appreciation for the effort, time, and money the gentleman put forward to spend this time with you.   Whether you want to see someone again or not, it’s good for YOU to practice these skills in connecting with whoever you meet. By taking these steps you are not compromising yourself, or committing to anything. You are just expressing consideration and value for another human being. So, unless the man is rude and completely unpleasant, why not make this effort to “show up” for him on your first date? There is almost always something you can appreciate about whoever you find yourself interacting with. Focus on that appreciation, and let yourself enjoy whatever there is to enjoy – and notice what you’re learning!  ...

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