Posts by Melanie Rubin

Men: Why You Should Treat Women Like Dogs

Posted by on Mar 10, 2016 in Blog, For Guys | 0 comments

Men: Why You Should Treat Women Like Dogs

Why Men Should Treat Women Like Dogs: Thirteen Tips for a Great Relationship Men frequently tell me they don’t understand what women want from men. Since men and women often approach things very differently, and use different language, it can be difficult to communicate to a man, in his own terms, what a woman wants from a man. The man I’m involved with recently got a new puppy. He is a good doggie Dad. As I’ve been watching him with this new dog, it occurred to me that the keys to raising a dog well are remarkably similar to those for creating and maintaining a healthy, happy  romantic relationship. Now, of course, I’m not suggesting that men should think of women as “dogs.” Also, the truth is that a man may feel more committed to his dog than he does to his relationship. After all, a man usually gets a dog with the expectation that he will be with that dog for its entire life. He may not enter a romantic relationship with the same certainty or expectation. However, for as long as a man is in any particular relationship, many of the principles for making it successful are like the principles for raising dogs well. Here are a few of those essentials: Feed them every day, and make sure water is available to them all the time Pet them often and give them attention Give them treats, especially when they do something you appreciate- and sometimes just because it makes them wag their tails Never give more attention to other dogs than you do to your own Go on walks, get exercise, play together, and have some fun. Give them time to play with other dogs Be grateful they are there to greet you when you come home, and show them you’re happy to see them Speak to them in a friendly tone of voice most of the time – and make it short when you need to speak sternly Don’t make them wait too long when they need to get rid of doggie waste – you may not be happy with the results! Notice when they don’t feel good, and do something about it Don’t let anyone else take better care of them than you do Take them with you when you can, and go on road trips often When you leave, pet them and tell them when you’ll be back If a man treats his dog this way, he’ll have a happy, healthy, loyal, loving dog.   Ok, now let’s check out the parallels in relationship terms.   Feed them every day, and make sure water is available to them all the time A relationship, just like a dog, needs nourishment every day to thrive. You wouldn’t forget to feed your dog for several days, and expect it to be doing well when you finally came around, would you? Most dogs get fed twice a day. If a relationship receives nourishment at least once a day – and better yet, twice a day, morning and night, that gets you off to a good running start. So, what is “nourishment for a relationship? It can be simple – a kiss, a smile, a hug, a text, an email, or a phone call – making a connection that shows you care and gives her some idea of what is happening in your life. It doesn’t need to take a lot of time or even energy. It just means you are engaged and connected – and it can become part of a routine, like feeding your dog every morning and...

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Get Ready for Love: Loving Yourself – Post 5

Posted by on Jun 25, 2015 in Blog, For Guys & Gals | 0 comments

Get Ready for Love: Loving Yourself – Post 5

Handle your mistakes – but don’t beat yourself up. That just slows you down in addressing the situation, learning for the future, and moving on.   When you make a mistake, here’s a good thing to say: “I made a mistake. I’m sorry for how this hurt you. Here’s what I’m doing to fix it (fill in the blank).” And then, say to yourself, “Now, I’m going to get on with my life!”   Everyone makes mistakes. Big ones. Ones that hurt. Lots and lots and lots of them… If any of us had our lives to do over again, we would do some things differently. Maybe VERY differently. But, we don’t have our lives to live over again. We only have the opportunities in the future that we are creating in the present. Today, as they say, is the first day of the rest of your life. So, an important part of loving yourself is forgiving your own mistakes – learning from them – doing what you can to make things right – and then MOVING ON. If you don’t learn to forgive yourself for your “mistakes,” how will anyone else learn to forgive you? You need to lead by example. When you notice that you’ve made a “mistake,” here are some good steps to take: S – T – O – P ….. SLOOOOOOWWWW down. Notice the impact and the damage. THEN, forgive yourself IMMEDIATELY.If you don’t, you are likely to KEEP causing damage to yourself and others as you deny what you did, or keep beating yourself up. STOP IT. Beating yourself up doesn’t help ANYONE. No matter what they tell you. APOLOGIZE – It can be simple. You don’t need to spill blood over it. FIX IT IF YOU CAN or minimize the damage if you can’t. NOTICE WHAT YOU’VE LEARNED FOR THE FUTURE so you don’t have to make the same mistake again. MOVE ON….....

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Get Ready for Love: Loving Yourself – Post 4

Posted by on Jun 24, 2015 in Blog, For Guys & Gals | 0 comments

Get Ready for Love: Loving Yourself – Post 4

What do you like about yourself, inside and out? Make a list. You don’t need to let anyone else see it. Remind yourself of what you like about yourself every day. You need to become not only your own best friend, but your own best cheerleader, coach, and mentor. If not now, when? Start with what you DO like and appreciate about yourself – mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually – and go from there. I’m not kidding. Make a list. No-one else needs to see it. There is nothing wrong with appreciating yourself. I’d like to say that again: no matter what we’ve been taught, there is nothing wrong with appreciating ourselves. This is not a sign of egotism or selfish pride. It’s also not an indication that you lack humility. If you can’t appreciate and respect yourself, it is unlikely others will either. You need to know your own skills, blessings, and gifts to be able to use them well – in service to yourself, and to others. Can a bird fly if it has no awareness of its wings?...

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Get Ready for Love: Loving Yourself – Post 3

Posted by on Jun 23, 2015 in Blog, For Guys & Gals | 0 comments

Get Ready for Love: Loving Yourself – Post 3

Give yourself the love and understanding you wish from others: compassionate love – and tough love, without judgment. How can you be your own best friend, every minute of every day? We teach others how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. This is, perhaps, a cruel fact of life. We live in a “hall of mirrors,” with life mirroring back at us the thoughts and feelings we hold in our own minds, hearts, and bodies. If we want others to treat us better, we need to treat ourselves better first. We show them the way. So, if you want love from others, become your own best friend. Learn to notice when you are beating yourself up. It is a habit which is deeply ingrained in most of us. How can you learn to listen to what you are telling yourself, about yourself, and speak to yourself kindly, as if you were your own best friend in the world? What can you appreciate about yourself RIGHT THIS MINUTE? What can you be grateful for about yourself RIGHT NOW? Appreciation and gratitude are the most powerful levers to shift your inner climate. They won’t take away your awareness of what you need to do or change about yourself or your life – they will just help you love yourself NOW as you are, which is an essential first step. This is simple. But it takes lots and lots and lots of practice. So, it is not easy. Your mind will come up with many “buts” – about the mistakes you have made – about the reasons why you are at fault, or are not “worthy.” Bring your attention back to what you are grateful for about yourself and your life – and start from there. Otherwise any changes you make will be like building a new building on quicksand. Your strong foundation needs to be loving yourself. And loving yourself is a daily practice, and a work in...

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Get Ready for Love: Loving Yourself – Post 2

Posted by on Jun 21, 2015 in Blog, For Guys & Gals | 0 comments

Get Ready for Love: Loving Yourself – Post 2

Most people have wondered, at some point or another, whether they are “good enough.” This is partially a result of the many ways in which society indoctrinates us about who we are “supposed to be.” We wonder: “Am I smart enough? Successful enough? Handsome/pretty enough? Rich enough?” and so on. We compare ourselves to others – because that is what we are taught to do – and find ourselves lacking in some area – or many. At core, this inner struggle is a fear of not being worthy of love. That is the ultimate fear. And out of this fear, and the hurt and rejection many if not most of us have experienced in life, we protect ourselves and “act out,” doing hurtful things to others, and to ourselves. It is a paradox: out of a fear of not being worthy of love – and trying to keep ourselves “safe” from getting hurt – we do things that drive away the very love we crave. Usually this happens completely unconsciously. Sometimes the hurt we impose upon ourselves, and on others, is severe. The week I write this, we see this in a young man who shot and killed nine people in a church in South Carolina…. But this doesn’t mean we should stop loving, or believing we, or any other human being, is not worthy of love. Whether we have hurt ourselves or others in our lives, we are all still worthy of love. How could it be otherwise? Human beings are brought into the world to love others and be loved. It is fundamental to our human nature. It is when people don’t get the love that is each person’s birthright, or are taught to hate others, that violence happens. Of course, we still need to get ourselves out of harm’s way when someone is being destructive – and hold ourselves and others accountable for mental or physical violence or abuse. And ideally we would each do what we can to heal whatever damage we have done in the past, to ourselves and to others. We might need to change to treat ourselves and others better – or to attract or keep the love we crave as part of the human condition. However, the first step in loving yourself is acknowledging, as a principle, that EVERY person is worthy of love, no exceptions, including you. Can you do...

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