Men: How to Succeed with the First Kiss

Posted by on May 15, 2014 in Blog, Featured, For Guys | 0 comments

Men: How to Succeed with the First Kiss

People say the first kiss is important. And, I’m here to tell you they’re right!

When and how you kiss a woman for the first time is a critical turning point – it can seal the deal – or be a total deal breaker.

But the whole situation can be anxiety-producing for a guy. Everyone is afraid of rejection when they’re dating – everyone – it is part of the human condition. And as the guy, it’s usually understood that you will make the “move” for the first kiss. A guy is supposed to be smooth and confident and into the woman, but he’s also supposed to be respectful enough not to seem like a pushy creep. That’s not always such an easy balance to strike!

So, cut yourself some slack about not being perfect, or knowing exactly what to do or when to do it.


What are some things that will help you know when and how to approach the first kiss?

First of all, you need to know when NOT to kiss a woman.

DON’T kiss a woman unless you’ve had some indication that she wants to be near you. Signs that a woman would like to be physically close to you include:

  • Touching you on the arm or leg
  • Leaning toward you
  • Sitting near you
  • Keeping her hand in yours if you take her hand
  • Standing with her toes pointing toward you (yes, it sounds funny, but this is actually a good indicator!)
  • Smiling at you a lot, laughing, tossing or fingering her hair, and generally looking like she’s enjoying being with you.

And DON’T kiss a woman if she clearly and specifically goes to kiss you on the cheek – or offers her cheek for you to kiss her there – or goes to give you a hug.

If you intercept her and “force” her to kiss you on the lips when she’s not ready, it will probably creep her out, and she may never want to kiss you or go out with you again. (This has happened to me. It can feel really intrusive, a little scary even, and GROSS!)

So, what if she IS doing some or all of the things on the list above, that indicate she would like to be physical with you? Then should you kiss her? When? On the first date? Second date? End of the date only? During the date?

Sometimes, if a woman really seems to like you, and you like her, it’s nice to give her a little kiss on the lips at the end of the first date, without putting big “moves” on her. This has happened to me a couple of times and I loved it – if I liked the guy. It showed that he liked and was into me, but wasn’t trying to race me into bed. And it showed he had some guts and self-confidence. Actually, it was totally charming and romantic.


But when should you go in for the “real” kiss – the sexy one. After the second date?

There’s no rule to this. However, some women have told me that if a guy she’s interested in doesn’t try to kiss her by the second or at the latest third date she 1) thinks he doesn’t really like her that much and/or 2) loses respect for him. Other women have told me they don’t mind waiting several dates before things become physically romantic – or even a few weeks.

So, women are obviously very different on this score.

First, it’s important to be clear about your own style and preferences: do you need to have that kiss pretty fast, or are you willing to wait?

Then, do your best to get a sense of the style of the person you’re with: do they seem pretty conservative? A little reserved? Or very physical and affectionate?


When you do go to make the “real” first-kiss move, how and when should you do it?

Of course, the end of the date, when you’re saying “goodbye” or “goodnight” is the classic time. And this makes sense. Because it’s customary socially to shake hands, hug, kiss, or do something physical to say goodbye.

If you want to kiss her, move a little closer to her. Look at her eyes, then her lips, then her eyes. Does she look at your lips too? That’s a good sign!

Lean towards her, move your lips toward hers, and see what she does. Does she move toward you? Hopefully, if you’ve gotten this far, the answer will be yes!

Then kiss her lightly on the lips, and see how she responds. “Listen” to her vibe and body language and pause.

DON’T stick your tongue into her mouth, or do some deep throat move all of a sudden. This is another in the women’s-big-book of GROSS! Kissing is a conversation without words. Just like any other conversation, you need to LISTEN to the response you’re getting, and respond back accordingly. Kissing is a call and response of playfulness, experimentation, and passion, with pauses. It is a way of getting to know each other.

When you kiss a woman for the first time, go SLOWLY and make sure she is comfortable. Just like with anything else in a relationship between a man and a woman, the woman needs to feel safe, respected, and listened to before she can relax and open up with you, emotionally, or physically.

And, if you’ve misgauged the situation, and she pulls away, don’t panic! And don’t punish yourself. As they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Sometimes you just can’t know unless you try. Feel proud of yourself that you tried! It’s not easy!

In general, if you’re looking for a relationship, and not just a lay, let your first real kissing session stay with kissing. Don’t put your hands all over her, or try to get into her bra or her pants. It’s better to take things a little bit slowly and have time to absorb the experience before the next time you get together.

However, there are exceptions to everything. If you’re both really into it, go for it. However, my experience is that a woman is more likely to go a little bit more slowly if she really likes you and thinks she may want to have a relationship with you – not just a roll in the hay. Again, nothing is black and white.


Remember, kissing is supposed to be a fun and happy event where you really connect. So, the best thing you can do is relax and be yourself. When you’re worried about your own performance, or whether you will get rejected, all your attention is on yourself. But, to have the best experience of a first kiss, your attention needs to be on the woman and how she is feeling. You can’t really “listen” to her vibe and body language if you’re all worried about yourself.


Good luck, and I’d love to hear your suggestions, thoughts, and experiences with the first kiss!



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