Staying Centered During Dating

Posted by on Mar 31, 2014 in Blog, Featured, For Guys & Gals, Let's Go For a Walk | 0 comments

Staying Centered During Dating

Do you know how when you really like someone, you can feel yourself getting pulled off your center? Sometimes all you can think about is when you’re going to see that person again, and what will happen. There’s all the excitement and euphoria, and the nervousness and anxiety. And the same thing can be true when you feel very rejected. You can lose your sense of yourself for a time, and your mind can get caught up in thoughts about the other person or the situation- hurt, sadness, frustration, self-doubt. That’s no fun!

This can be true when you’re dating. And it can also be true when you’re in a relationship.

I was thinking about this today with reference to myself while I was out for my morning walk. When I am just getting to know someone I notice how very compelling that is, but also how much it has the potential to pull me completely off my center. I can find myself doing none of my usual self-care routines – morning walks, saturday meditation with a friend, exercise, yoga class, vitamins….

And, of course, sticking to routines is not the goal of life – and being flexible and going with the flow is a good thing – as is enjoying what is actually happening in the moment.

However, I was noticing that I invest a lot in myself in relationships – to be my best self – and then it can be easy, in the sway of attraction, both the good feelings and the “bad” ones, to throw that work out the window. And the very qualities which attract someone to me can begin to slip away if I don’t stay centered in myself.

It seems to me this can be true for other people too.

This is also why dating and relationships can be such a great teacher – for me, anyway. Because I want to be my strongest, best self no matter who is or isn’t in my life – and no matter whether I like what is happening with them, or I don’t.

And relationships inevitably bring up all the fragile, sensitive stuff for each of us as well. Or, at least they do for me….

Again, I was reminded of this on my morning walk because I came across a couple that was having a shouting match as they were driving in a small, shiny, yellow pickup truck, with one of them finally getting out of the truck and slamming the door. Ouch! Probably most of us have been there at some point. All that hurt and vulnerability.

And a friend who just broke up a relationship was talking about this yesterday – saying she notices that when she is NOT in a relationship, she feels very strong and together, and when she IS in a relationship, she feels all sorts of vulnerability come up when things are not going the way she wants them to.

Of course, the opposite is true for some people as well – that NOT being in a relationship brings up lots of “stuff” for them to work on in being alone.

It’s all the same thing really. Dating – and relationship – as a teacher, if we choose to look at it that way – for how each of us can learn to be grounded in our best selves – no matter who is or isn’t showing up – and what the other person is or isn’t doing.

Hmmmmmmmmmm……

(This blog post is part of the ‘Let’s Go for a Walk’ series. The first post in this series is titled  ‘Let’s Go for a Walk’ posted on March 14, 2014.)

 

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