Gentlemen, Is Chivalry Dead?

Posted by on Mar 10, 2014 in Blog, For Guys | 0 comments

Gentlemen, Is Chivalry Dead?

No. Nor is a woman’s desire for you to be chivalrous.

So, what is ‘chivalry’ and what are some of the rules of the game? And why should you care anyway?

The term was originally used to define the conduct of knights in the Middle Ages. Today it refers to how a man behaves  towards a woman to help her feel safe, considered, and taken care of – particularly when the two of them are out and about together in the world.

These are things a woman wants to feel with you if she’s going to stick around with you. So, if you want to “get” anywhere with her beyond a first date, these are good points to know!

Now, some people may think chivalry is old-fashioned –and some people even say these behaviors are sexist. As a woman, I don’t feel that way – and I think most women won’t – even if they are confident and smart.

Here are some common expressions of chivalry. And depending on how you look at it, some of these are just good manners!

Getting There

  • If you’re meeting for the first time and have never met before, let her pick a place she feels comfortable.
  • If you’re taking her somewhere on a date, pick her up, and have a clean car.
  • Open the car door for her and make sure she’s safely tucked in before you close it.
  • Some ladies like it if you open the car door for her when you arrive as well. This can be difficult to orchestrate time-wise if she’s not expecting it, because you have to park, then walk around to open her door. If you try, and don’t get there fast enough, it’s a great time to keep it light and funny.
  • If you’re walking outdoors along a street, walk on the outside of the sidewalk closer to the street.
  • If it’s raining, hold an umbrella over her.
  • If you’re crossing a street, take her arm if she is comfortable with that.


At a Venue or Entertainment Place

  • Open the door for her if you’re going into a building.
  • If you’re going down a narrow aisle, at a theater, or in a restaurant, allow her to go ahead.
  • Ask her where she’d prefer to sit.
  • If you’re sitting down at a restaurant, take her coat first and stow it away for her somewhere appropriate, then pull out her chair for her.
  • If you’re at a restaurant, have her order first.
  • When food arrives, wait until she begins eating before you start eating.
  • Pay for her, at least on the first date, and usually for the first two or three.
  • If you’re at a performance or club, make sure she has a seat or spot where she feels comfortable and can see well.


At the End of a Date

  • If you drove separately, and she’s comfortable with this, walk her to her car, especially if it’s dark.
  • If she’s driving home alone, text her on the way home if you have her number to thank her for the date and make sure she got home safely.
  • If you drive her home, text her a while afterwards to thank her for the date.


By the way, it’s nice if you KEEP doing these things, even after you’re in an established relationship with someone. Just a tip for the future……

And another tip: You can practice all of this with women you interact with throughout your day. It doesn’t have to be anyone you’re romantically interested in. It helps you get in the habit, and feel natural with doing these things.

And notice how you feel when you take these little steps. It should make you feel good that you’re doing something nice for someone – that you’re the kind of person who would notice and care.

And it’s also good practice for being of genuine service to a woman – and don’t women notice that! They love a man who knows how to treat them well.

Great practice for being a great date.

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